??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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