I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
