Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
