I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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