You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
