Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
It's Friday. Sex?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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