I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
