my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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