Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
