why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
