Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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