i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
