Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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