Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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