Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
This toilet bowl is my home.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
