I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
