Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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