I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
