that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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