friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
