i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
