the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
