you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
