Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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