The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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