she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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