3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
These tits shall not be calmed
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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