1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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