the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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