Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
