it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
