New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I love you. Go after that dick
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
