youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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