Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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