i don't like sucking hair
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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