I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
