is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
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