I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
