porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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