My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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