its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
