make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
