The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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