Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
