either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
