Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
