im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
