A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
