Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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