Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
