yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
