I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
