So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
